But first..... a quick family update!!!
Schooling is going well. Mike is also doing well. He is in yet another new job (doing deliveries for a local printer), and all things considered, it is working out so far. He will be working full time this week as their other driver is out - so we are going to have to be careful with our evenings so he can get some of the school work he needs to get finished - well - finished. He is past the mid term point now - and we are still "tweaking" our schedule. Better late than never.....
Other than that things are good. I wish there were a way to adequately write the very personal and special ways the Lord has seen fit to meet me over the last 2 weeks or so. Suffice it to say that after a rather long time of being dry and really searching for reasons, He has seen fit to meet me - without the reasons. I think one of the things I love the most about our Lord is that when He meets us - He often is so overwhelming in beauty that nothing else matters for awhile. Everything else fades into the backround. Not really saying what I want to - can't seem to find the words to express it. He just IS. And just a glimpse is so humbling it is just a privilege to bask in His presence. I want to know Him more.
Bruting and Koinonia...... wow. I had alluded in the previous post that I have had quite the history with Koinonia. I have writings of mine from high school (yes - I am one of those kinds of people) where I was exploring Koinonia as a theme. A better definition of Koinonia is "communion by intimate participation" and the article goes on to say that there is implicated action in the meaning. In other words - Koinonia is a state of "doing" not a state of "being". A phrase we use commonly at our church is "doing life together"- this is the essence of koinonia. From a young age I was telling my mom that I knew Jesus was with me, but what I really wanted was someone "with skin on". What I didn't realize at that age was the role of the church in being exactly that - Jesus with skin on. They are the hands and feet of Christ on earth - imperfect absolutely (after all, if I am part of my church, then it is already not perfect, right?), but we represent Him to the world - and to each other. So - how are you doing with that whole idea? The idea that we represent Him - that we are His ambassadors? How have you been representing your Lord recently? If you are anything like me, it doesn't always go the way I would like. I really, really misrepresent Him sometimes- and it hurts. It is an area that I really need to grow in - but it is still the call - perfect or imperfect. We had a really great sermon today on service at church. One thing Pastor Bell brought up was the fact that we don't have pure motivations in our serving - but God calls us to serve anyway and trust that He will purify our service.
Coming back to the Koinonia idea again. Koinonia is not an end in and of itself. That is something I struggle intensely with. I love to be loved. During those "nobody like me everybody hates me" times - those truly lonely times when "no one even calls" - when the isolation feelings set in - when it seems like everyone is getting together "without me" - it is really important to remember that the hands and feet are not actually Christ himself. Christ is the only one who can meet me the way I need to be met - perfectly and every time. To put that kind of expectation on a human being - any human being (including Mike - poor Mike.....) is wrong. It is idolatry. I have misplaced my worship, and have made the gift that God has given me in the community He has placed me in more important than the giver Himself.
Community - what I have been learning recently? What it is and isn't. I am to love my community, pray for them, invest my time and love into them - but it is never to replace Christ in my life. When my soul is "faint within me" - I need Christ - not a person. I need to be honest and transparent about my life, but I can not go around being dependent on people for the strength I need, the grace I need, the love I need. By realizing the community is made up of human beings - therefore, by default, sinners - I am free to love them without expectation. It frees me to "put myself out there" not expecting anything in return. And He has built a beautiful community - a beautiful bride. There is no where else I would rather be than in my local church body on Sunday morning. He gives us these bodies - which ever body He has called you to - to be His hands and feet in your life - and His hands and feet to the world. You have the opportunity to share your life with these people. To be cared for, challenged, walked with by those in your church. Do you take advantage of that? Are you doing Koinonia? It is a beautiful gift from a beautiful God.
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