Maybe weekly is a reasonable goal....

Well - today I am updating during the time we are supposed to be at Push the Rock.  We aren't at PTR as the twins are not feeling well.  To be honest I am not feeling well either, and last night Mike asked if he could have a box of tissues to bring to work.  He isn't 100% either.  He has been working 6 AM until 5:40 ish PM so far this week.  We are in week two of training out of three - almost half through!!  Then his schedule will go back to 7 AM until done (and they will be working at full staff at that point).  They are also hiring 18 more people (possibly) as actual employees.  He has two exams and a project due this week - and he is done for the semester.  I think we are both looking forward to that being over.  With all the overtime he has had to work, his grades have suffered a bit.  Not much, but enough for us both to be a bit concerned about the timing of his degree.

I have several things on my heart as far as both prayer requests and just general blessings that we have seen in the last 48 hours or so (God is amazing!), but first an update on the "rest of us".

Michael Ben is having his best allergy year in a long time.  He is starting to get the bug to get outside a lot more, and I am grateful that that seems to be a possibility (after the rain is over...). Kate is growing really fast and has been helping me out a whole lot around here.  I am really enjoying her - she is very perceptive and sometimes even asks if I need something before I even realize I need it.  She is changing so fast!  Chris is perfecting his writing.  He also knows just how to tilt his head so mommy says yes.  He course corrects me a lot with his winsomeness.  I helps me realize I don't have to "always" say no...  Stephen is reading up a storm.  I have never seen anything like it .  He read the word "comfortable" to me in a book he picked up and I almost hit the floor!  Homeschooling has its surprises even for the teacher!

Mike is an amazing man.  We had a good long conversation last night (at least a lot longer than we have been able to have in a while - you know women - it's never quite long enough for me!) about where we are and what we think we are called to do.  Since everything started moving everywhere at once we have felt kind of "reactive".  As I had alluded to in an earlier post, there were some things that we were setting aside as we felt called to this really crazy season.  You know - for me I like to pick a direction and go there until it ends or gets abruptly interrupted.  There is safety in a plan.  I am 33 - and guess what -  I just figured out that life doesn't work that way.  Always thought it was wisdom - now wondering if it was safety - or laziness.  Figure it out, let it "run itself", move on to the next thing.  Mike has always been a more reasonable view in that.  I want to know why the washer we bought didn't last forever - I had checked that off of my list of things to do.  He is the one saying - um... let's get over that now.  God is good to have us opposite - Mike keeps me sane.  Well - maybe most of the time.  But that's another post - maybe one called "Why until I got married did I think I was sane".  But I digress.

What has happened over the last 48 ish hours?  Well - we had the honor of having lunch with a very dear family to us on Sunday that asked us some questions that seemed at the time to be pretty straight forward, but triggered something in both of our minds that lead to more questions.  Vague, I know.  Let me fill in some blanks.

Mike is working insane hours right now to support our family.  Mike is doing school part time.  Mike is finishing the semester and we have a choice to make.  Continue with school in the hope that his schedule at work lessens up quickly or take 8 weeks (or more) off?

Mike is feeling an emptiness in his heart where he had held something close that was put aside so he could work said hours and do school in any and all free time that he had (including any family, us, or church time).  This job will provide for our needs if he becomes a permanent employee - but our needs could be even "better" provided for if he "moved up higher" in the company by pursuing an interest he has.  That interest, if he pursued it and he was successful in his pursuit would move us out of this area into the Exton, PA area.  Our friends asked us if there weren't other job opportunities that would allow us to stay in the Valley.  Mike said no - as far as he knows, if he is going to get a job that uses his recent degree we would have to move somewhere.  Me, being completely ignorant of geography only knew that Exton meant south.  And one of our desires is to move south, right? Souderton is south.

Yeah.  I looked up Exton on Google Maps (love that thing).  Exton is beautiful I am sure.  There is even an SGM church in Downingtown (a new plant) which is 5 minutes from Exton.  Logic would then dictate that if SGM has a plant down there it is no where near Souderton.  Like 45 minutes too far south.  Is it "wrong" for us to pursue that?

Sinful - no.  But then there is that "call" close to my husbands heart.  And that call has a whole lot to do with Souderton and the Lehigh Valley.  And by staying where he is, and not "moving up" necessarily in this company, but being content with the provision God is giving us through the job He has already provided, and waiting to see if God has indeed closed a door, or we just got really tired in the waiting (which can be translated impatient, but also just weary), we may be surprised to find He has gone before us (Ps 139:5). By taking some time off of school, Mike would be opening time up to pursue that call he really feels God is leading him to do, and would also benefit us as a couple and family since when he was here then, he would be here and not "in the tower". We would be able to spend time together again instead of passing each other.

Is this wise?  I know that James tells us that if we lack wisdom we should ask God for it.  And we both took time yesterday before we talked to do that.  I also benefitted from some very wise counsel from my Care Group leader's wife (thanks Laura!), as she patiently listened to me rattle off a host of "issues" I was having in complete confusion.  She listened as I cried about how complicated it seemed and how tough this has been.  How I wanted to do better.  She answered with a phrase that really stuck out.  "Is this necessary?"  Is it necessary for Mike to be doing the amount of school he is doing right now - at this moment? I knew the answer to that - and it had changed over the last few weeks.  The answer was "no".  No.  It isn't necessary.  It was "the plan".  Mike and I talked last night.  He already had the same conclusion.  No.  No more.  Not for the next semester any way.  He is building relationships at work.  He will finish this week and turn his energy back into us, his family, and begin to redirect his thought back to his leading as well.  Come fall, we may have another change of direction in this area.  He is all set up with financial aid and other things for that time should we choose to start up again.  There was a peace last night as we finished our talk.  It was good.

And this morning, at the meeting they have at work, it was announced that they had just created a management position.  One that requires a degree in Business Administration (Mike's recent degree).  They encouraged those in the warehouse to apply.  The position would be at the Allentown Facility.  He takes the test on Friday, and the application process opens up on Monday. Could this be our answer already?  I don't know that either.  It is a matter of prayer for sure, and anticipation - not just that maybe this is "that job" we were hoping for, but also that if it isn't, God is still doing something beyond all we could ask or imagine.

Thank you!

To all of you who have been praying for us - thank you so much.  Today was a "good" day all things considered.  I managed to school all the kids half way and half the kids the full way (don't ask...), grocery shop for the week, catch up the laundry, clean the kitchen, clean half the dining room, and babysit my niece half the day (she is 7, so I don't even know she is here to be honest).  I am so grateful for today.  And here lies the challenge.

How will I be tomorrow?

Not how will tomorrow go, but will my contentment be based in my circumstances tomorrow?   If (and if I'm honest, more than likely) tomorrow doesn't show near the "progress" today showed, will my joy disappear?

We had a wonderfully convicting sermon on that this past week.  Didn't really want to listen to it last night (we had been told the content, and given some recent "struggles" were not looking forward to hearing it), and, sure enough, it hit pretty hard. And yet - His mercies are new every morning - and He gives more grace......

Last week.....

Well - here is how last week went.  Mike got out of work at 8:15 PM Monday night, 6 PM Tuesday night, 6 PM Wednesday night, 5 PM Thursday and Friday.  Add 45 minute commute, as those were the times he left the parking lot.  Tuesday night we met him in Allentown with dinner - he ate in the car on the way to Care Group.   Praise God he made it to Care group - they kept their word on his out time - and he didn't have to feel guilty about leaving as they worked hard and all got out at 6.  These are the facts.  

How did my heart do?

Not so good.  Entered the week with the best of intentions.  By Tuesday - Tuesday!!! - I was already heading down.  Mike was very gracious through the end of the week as the house steadily went down hill, and the dinner became more "creative" - hot dogs?  Breakfast cereal?  Really?  And my attitude?  By Friday night, I was telling him in tears I cannot do this!!!  I feel like we never see him!  The weekend came just in time on that front. Friday night we had a "Family Movie Night".  No school that night.  He did school all Saturday morning - but spent Saturday afternoon helping the kids put together their "box gardens". He also told me they had a meeting on Wednesday, and one of their major accounts is almost filled for the year, so the more intense overtime should back down by the end of this week   I am being stretched to flex a different way every day.  I never know when he is coming home until 2:30 in the afternoon - and even then it is an estimate.  Not only that, but I didn't come through with some promises that I had made to some very dear friends on Sunday.  We were blessed to be able to spend our Sunday with some friends who have a rather lengthy history with us.  I had it in my head one way (which of course included being right there on the ball!!), and even told them some plans I had thought of.  I pulled off maybe 50% of them.  They were so gracious - never even mentioned the "missing" components.   I failed.

Isn't God good?  I failed.  My view of my competency failed.  And you know what didn't fail?  The grace of God.  My head and heart took a turn - but He remained.  He worked through my friends - and their grace toward me - even going so far as expressing thanks for our time together.  He worked through  our meeting on Sunday - the sermon was about living in our inheritance now - and tapping into the power of the Holy Spirit.  A gracious and gentle reminder to my soul.  Worship included the song "Completely Done" (this song also has a personal history with me..) which had the lyric 

"I don't know what lies ahead.  What if I fail again?  You are my confidence - you'll keep me to the end.  I'm leaving my fears behind me now.  The old is gone, the new has come.  What you complete is completely done."  

Some other verses come to mind (some of which I frequently refer to and cling to.....)

Psalm 103:8-14

8The LORD is merciful and gracious,
   slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
9 He will not always chide,
   nor will he keep his anger forever.
10He does not deal with us according to our sins,
   nor repay us according to our iniquities.
11For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
   so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
12as far as the east is from the west,
   so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
13As a father shows compassion to his children,
   so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him.
14For he knows our frame;
   he remembers that we are dust.

God knows that I am dust - that, in my own strength - I will fail.  I will come to the end of myself.  That is a good place to be - but there are other promises as well.  2 Peter days He has granted me all things that pertain to life and godliness!!

2 Peter 1:3-11

 3His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, 4by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. 5For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, 6and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, 7and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. 8For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins. 10Therefore, brothers^, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall. 11For in this way there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Ephesians phrases is a different way - but the concept remains :

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, 4 even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love 5 he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, 6 to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. 7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, 8which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight 9 making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ 10as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.

 11In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, 12so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. 13In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, 14who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.

I have all I need to grow in Him.  He has promised me every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places.  He has sealed me with the Holy Spirit.  He will finish the work He has begun.  And I will be changed.

How's my heart?

To be honest - I am still struggling.  I am repeating these verses to myself because they are truth.  His words are true.  God is meeting me in the struggle.  He is there.  The struggle is there.  The challenge lies in who I am going to believe.  Me or Him?  As I call out "I believe - help my unbelief" He even grants me the faith I need to trust Him and believe in Him.  That is amazing grace......