Another re-post - from November 2012... STILL learning - and still one of my favorite stories...

My Needed Reminder... because I am still too thick headed to learn yet!!

This passage has a tremendous amount of significance for me. It is a struggle for me to keep my focus - and I find myself repeating Peter almost word for word sometimes....  Here is the passage in the ESV.

John 21:15-22

When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?"

He said to him, "Yes, Lord; you know that I love you."

He said to him, "Feed my lambs."

He said to him a second time, "Simon, son of John, do you love me?"

He said to him, "Yes, Lord; you know that I love you."

He said to him, "Tend my sheep."

He said to him the third time, "Simon, son of John, do you love me?"

Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, "Do you love me?" and he said to him, "Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you."

Jesus said to him, "Feed my sheep.  Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go." (This he said to show by what kind of death he was to glorify God.) And after saying this he said to him, "Follow me."

Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them, the one who also had leaned back against him during the supper and had said, "Lord, who is it that is going to betray you?"  When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, "Lord, what about this man?"

Jesus said to him, " If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!"

Let me start out by saying this isn't a theological treatise.  In fact some of what I say may not be exactly right on...  The thoughts you are about to read are me personally having this passage take a dig into my heart and mind attitude. 

 Jesus is risen and the relationship between Jesus and Peter has been restored.  Peter had denied Jesus three times.  In a row.  Three times.  He had even been warned ahead of time that it was going to happen.  And when. He even swore that he would never do it.  So, you can imagine, from a human standpoint what it may have been like for Peter when he saw Christ again, after the resurrection, for the first time. This was the third time for the disciples however.  Here is the scene.  Jesus calls to the fisherman from the shore as they are coming back from fishing.  It was the morning after a long night with no success.  He tells them to cast their net on the other side.  This is unusual for two reasons. It's morning, and Jesus is instructing professional fisherman.  But at the same time - this is also not the first time this has happened, and John - the disciple Jesus loved - recognizes the situation and his beloved Lord first.  John seems to have a knack for that kind of thing.  Peter however, being the man of action that he is, puts on his garments and jumps overboard (not the first time Peter has done this either).  They get to shore and a breakfast of fish and bread is waiting for them.  Already ready.  After they had eaten, this dialog between Jesus and Peter is recorded.

There is a lot in this passage.  For instance, Jesus asks Peter three times.  Three.  In a row.  He asks if he loves him.  Peter (I imagine very eager to right himself - just my feeling) answers three times.  But after each answer Jesus calls him to respond with an action - specifically to feed and tend His sheep. The third time Peter slightly changes his answer by acknowledging that the Lord knows all things - He knows Peter loves him.  Jesus answer is stunning.  He explains to Peter that tending and feeding his sheep will come at a great cost to Peter.  His freedom.  He is prophesying Peter's death by crucifixion - a death John describes as the kind of death though which he would glorify God.  And immediately after giving Peter this glimpse of cost he says "Follow me."

Peter is really captivated by Christ during this conversation - his focus is on the Lord and on Him only. But then he does something interesting.  He turns his gaze and allows it to rest on John.  And he just can't help himself.  He has to know.  Um... what about him? And Christ arrests his gaze again as he reminds Peter - John's future is His business.  Not Peters.  Peter is to focus only on one thing. 

YOU FOLLOW ME. 

I can totally relate to Peter.  If I am focused on Jesus - I am captivated.  He leads me to follow Him.  As each opportunity to follow Him in one way or another comes into focus, it brings a similar response - "Lord - you know all things. You know I love you!" These are some intoxicating mountaintop experiences.  I wish SO much that this was my normal.  It isn't.  The fact that is ever happens at all is the grace of God - and it is a grace I am thankful for - and also leads to some pretty heady promises - again, like Peter - "I will never deny you. Not me. Never."

But my more natural tendency is to look to my left and right.  To look at those around me, focus on what they are or are not doing, or what blessings they are receiving, and say "What about this one? What are you going to do through them / or for them / or in them? Will they have the same cost as I do? Or will they have it easier / harder?" 

Kindly His answer is the same to me. "YOU FOLLOW ME." 

And that's hard.  I want the same treatment.  The same promises.  The same challenges.  I mean, if there is going to be suffering or challenge it's only fair if we are all in it, right?  That's "just".  Peter wanted to know if John would have the same experience.  The same challenges.  The same cost.  The answer wasn't given to Peter as to what John would experience.  It had to be enough for Peter to refocus on the following instead of the balancing of the scale. 

We know that John was the only disciple that was not martyred.  It's not that he didn't have a cost to follow Christ.  He was exiled.  He suffered much.  But the truth is, we are all called to follow Christ differently.  It is helpful for me to remember that the call is to follow.  And there will be a cost.  But how that works itself out in others around me is going to look different than it looks for me.  I need to focus more on challenging and encouraging those around me to follow Christ.  Not what I think Christ calls believers to do.  I understand there are the obvious ones.  I am not promoting a "Just do whatever feels like a call to you." - not at all.  But what I am saying is that when I look around at others and answer Christ's call with, but why them?  Or why not them?  Or any other comparison I want to make, the answer remains.  He calls me to follow HIM.  Only him.  Spend my energy on the pursuit of Christ and what he is calling me to - and trust him for the results.  Don't lose focus by looking to the left or right.  Focus on one thing.  Him.  Hoping to be a faster learner!!

This last week has been a bit of a whirlwind. It has been our privilege to be involved with a Christian theater company called "Players of the Stage" or "POTS" for short. At the end of each season, we have one or two production weeks - this was the spring one week production. The play was called "Quality Street", and it was by J.M. Barry. Although we had just finished "Peter Pan" and decided that we were absolutely NOT going to be doing the spring show, we relented.This show was for ages 13 and up, and, more importantly, was Michael's last opportunity to participate in a POTS production. He and Katie auditioned, and both made the play.

Here are a few photos from this week:

Katie as "Miss Fanny"

"Miss Fanny" sans cape

The Old Maids of Quality Street

Lieutenant Spicer

Lieutenant Spicer as Sherlock

The Cast of Quality Street (Cast 1)

The Seniors of Quality Street

SELFIE!

As you can probably tell from the photos, they had an absolute blast. Their troop raised $7500.00 for the Bright Hope Pregnancy Center - which exceeded their goal! It was an amazing show, but there was a separate part going on....

If you read carefully (like I am always harassing my English class to do), you may have noticed the caption "The SENIORS of Quality Street". POTS graduated 9 this year. This means that those who are seniors in high school are no longer able to participate in the regular POTS productions. At the end of their senior show, they become alumni. In "our" cast, there were 5. AND.... Michael was one of them. 

This is hard. It was hard for Michael that evening - it was hard for Katie that evening. And if I understand correctly, they were not the only ones who may have swallowed a lump or two as they left the building that night. This is the end of an era for us. And, as the dear lady who runs POTS pointed out, this is the first of many endings for Michael over the next few weeks. There are those that run for the door at graduation. Some people have been counting down the days until they are finally able to move on. We are not those people. 

I am not saying one is better than the other - it is just a different wiring system I think. As I have pointed out before, I do not do transitions well at all, and I am afraid I have passed that on to my dear children. Michael was not ever a main role - it is not theater itself that he was mourning. It was the community. He has developed relationships in that group, and he rightly recognizes that these relationships are about to fundamentally change. I have tried to encourage him that these friendships need not end, and, in fact, may grow even more outside POTS. I have reminded him that there are even greater things in store. And, in doing so, I have been preaching to the choir.

The first time I watched an Excelsior graduation (this is the co-op we are part of), I was taken aback by all the crying at the rehearsal. I am a little slow on the draw I think - because when we actually did graduation, it hit me like a freight train. They are leaving. Most of the students I barely knew - if I knew them at all. Last year, I knew more of them - some had been my students. It was even more difficult. This year...it's my son. One of my oldest and dearest students.

And so - I am weeping. I too am rightly realizing that the relationship I have with my son is about to fundamentally change. I am reminding myself that our relationship will grow even more as he begins his transition to adulthood - that it will grow outside of this community in our home. There are even greater things in store. And - most importantly - that God gave him to me (oh how I begged God for this child!) to raise up in His love and admonition - and then...let him go. I know that he was never really mine to begin with - and that he has a friend that sticks closer than a brother. I know that he is going to be a special and dear brother in Christ as time moves on, and that as our relationship changes, we will both be blessed. And so "to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen" (Ephesians 3:20). As I walk through the final weeks of my son's home school career and, with his father, present him with his diploma, may I remember that God will be glorified in Michael's life, and that He walks with us through the transition. He is beyond all we could ask or imagine, and is at work!

Coming back...

So many changes - and so much has happened over the last THREE YEARS (almost... that's kind of embarassing...). I want to start out with some old posts that I still hold close to my heart. This one kind of has a part two in that we moved that peony right up by our door, and my lilac is just getting ready to bloom again. Here is a repost from 2012 - and His faithfulness is still the greatest constant in our lives!

May 10, 2012

Well - I'm musing again....  : ) 

           We have been in a holding pattern for a bit now - still waiting for dates for assorted things, and trying to forget about them (except when we need to).  Working through some mindset challenges that I have at times.  Doing a lot of looking downward (navel gazing, I think they call it : )  ).  Just all in all blah.  Kind of saw this coming - it is my "way".  I tend to start to be overwhelmed after everything is over.  I just had to realize that that is what I was doing I guess.  And it happened in an unexpected way....

         

         It's been raining around here as of late.  Mike and I just finished putting in the first of our plants in the veggie garden (3 tomatoes, and I don't even want to think about how many pumpkin and melon plants!!) when the first drops started on Monday.  Deck was all down, wood neatly piled, plants in.  Check......

        House becomes unbelievably muggy.  First sign something is wrong - asthma starts to act up.  It's the humidity coupled with the fact that my stress levels have finally hit a high (along with some other levels....).  We button down the house and make sure the dehumidifier is working as efficiently as possible.  Albuterol administered.  Crisis averted.  

      Next day rain continues.  Humidity levels are up, but the temperature has dropped.  No air-conditioners have been installed yet (and that is usually done my now since with 2 asthmatics and high pollen counts, that's usually our only source of outside air or coolness..).  Interestingly enough, I have had the windows opened a lot this spring - and up until now neither Michael Ben nor I have had any problems with our breathing.  Knowing I am already compromised, I make the decision to open the windows to let the cooler air in.  The air isn't the only thing that comes in through that open window....

             This is my lilac bush.  Yes - MY Lilac bush.  We actually have two of them - one in the back which is bloomed and done, and one in the front which blooms later.  Although they were both gifts to me from my husband, this one is particularly special.  It was planted by me, on purpose, under that front window, 13 years ago.  The thought was that in the spring I could open the front window and smell lilac - one of my favorite smells.  This bush is a miniature, and will only get to be about 6 feet.  Seemed perfect.  What I didn't know was that the idea hadn't been thought out completely.  Our house SHADES that area (hence the late blooming), and my bush has seen some very slow growth as a result.  About 2 years ago, it "broke" the shade of the house, and the growth since has been extraordinary!  And the blooms went absolutely crazy this year.  I've never been able to enjoy them because of our health "issues", but again - this year is different for some reason.  And add to that the rain which "washes" the pollen out of the air.  Well......  heavenly.  And more than that.  One of my first thoughts was "I've been waiting 13 years for this."  Truly.  13 years.  Funniest thing is that I did absolutely nothing but wait.  Nothing.  Planted it, checked in on occasion (like that time the contractor putting on our siding almost trampled it to death...  : P ), and did nothing else.  Most of the time it wasn't even a thought.  It was just there - part of my life.  But growing, changing and becoming a dream.  Fulfilled.  At just the right time.  When I really needed to look outside.  It was there.  And it changed my gaze.  Made me giddy.  Reminded me of a God who is always there and perfectly faithful.  Who reveals Himself at just the right time and, well, He makes me giddy too......   Here's another reason.....

See that flower that doesn't match the others?  The tight purple bud?  My next surprise.  I LOVE Peonies!!  I planted three bushes near the lilac.  They were beautiful for about three years.  Then something happened.  They caught some kind of mold.  they would come up looking OK, then they would turn white with powdery mold.  The flowers were OK I guess, but the leaves were always damaged.  I eventually had to accept the fact that they were not salvageable.  I had to pull them out.  Another dream - another favorite.  Unfulfilled.  Destroyed.  It broke my heart to tear out those plants.  I had planted them, tended them, and tried to save them.  And they didn't come out easy either.  They had been there awhile.  Put down deep roots.  And it wasn't going to be a clean break.  We have to rip them up in pieces.   Truth be told - Mike did.  I cried.  The other day when we got home,  I noticed "one of these things is not like the others"....  Wait a minute.  Not possible!  We ripped them out.  They were damaged.  They were also LIGHT pink......

That is definitely a Peony plant.  It sheltered under the lilac.  It is healthy.  I cannot wait to see it "in all it's glory".  Dream returned.  Small in the starting.  But leads to a hope and excitement to see it in fruition.  Not from my hand.  From my Father's hand.  Just for me to enjoy......     

OK - more flower pictures.... what is this one?  These two are survivors.  Transplants.  "Dreams" from someone else's garden.  Plants a friend had tended in their garden and the plants had spread so thoroughly that they had to "share their dream" with others.  They gave us some.  They were not in good shape after spending 45 minutes in a car on a hot day. I dropped them in my garden and hoped for the best.  There were three different types of plants.  This one is the only one I have seen so far this year.  But they are rooting in our garden.  We have something - a part of our friend's garden growing in ours.  A shared vision and dream.  One of my other "loves" - κοινωνία (koinonia).  

All of these thought applied to a lot of what was going on in my head. And the thing that came through all the details and webs that wove their way around my heart - was that all of this - from the simple - like gardening - to the great - like the details of my life (surgeries, employment, housing, location, involvement, etc.) have another loving hand that is working toward my good and His glory.  My good and HIS GLORY!!  Even when it is "just a part of my life" that becomes something instantly beautiful. Even when it is something I have had to loose.  And regain.  Even if it is something given that takes root.  He is in it.  All of it.  GREAT is HIS FAITHFULNESS!!