Today was a much better day. We had no fevers, very little coughing, and an easier time focusing. Michael Ben went for his yearly check with the orthodontist - and we are going back in another year (that's perfect!). He only has 8 baby teeth left, but 6 of them have to fall out before anything "orthodontic". They are all loose - not enough to fall out, but enough to that he should be able to lose them without having them pulled.
My tests all came back normal - waiting for the biopsy results, but they won't be there until at least Monday. All other tests were normal, so that is an answer to prayer. I am feeling more like a human every day, and less like something is hanging over my head. "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak...."
I had a thought about just how damaging my overdeveloped sense of justice can get. I live pretty much in a world of black and white - it is simply how I am "wired". With all these things so "certain", I have a tendency to really, really notice when something happens that is "unfair". It is always good to remember during those times that we live in a fallen world, and as a result it is not always just. This is something I have to constantly remind myself of, but I realized the flip side of the coin. These thoughts make me profoundly ungrateful. I was driving home this morning, and a little thought started. It was nothing monumental - just a small sense of gratefulness for the provision of God, for the fact that we were slowly healing, and for the fact that I had working windshield wipers (a whole different story....). Then something came up right behind it. Why should I be grateful? We wouldn't need God's provision if Mike hadn't been laid off (a pathetic logic, since God is always our provider....) - that wasn't fair. If we hadn't gotten the flu, it would have been better for us. Why should I be grateful for that?? And if things were fixed in a timely manner, I wouldn't be so simple to like my windshield wipers. I am so pathetic! We don't deserve to go through all these things..... We're essentially "good people".
Neither a truthful, nor anywhere near black and white assessment. First, we are not essentially good people. "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23) "None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God." (Romans 3:10-11). Secondly, I had it right when I said we don't deserve this - we deserve far worse. When I remember these things I remember again that our biggest problem really has been taken care of - our eternity is secure. In everything else "What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?" (Romans 8:31-32) And since all these things are gifts from God's hand - that should make me extremely grateful. I read a quote from John Newton last week - I loved it so much I printed it out and it sits on my computer desk. He wrote "Everything is necessary that He sends. Nothing can be necessary that He witholds" - even the flu......
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