Verse of reflection

1 Thessalonians 5:16-24

Run.... reprise

We have been blessed this past week in so many ways!! I mentioned to a friend that it feels like we are going through a stretching mixed with refreshment time. It seems that as we are challenged each day there is a blessing waiting in the wings. God is wonderful that way. I am excited as we reflect on everything He has done over the last year - looking backward really does give you hope for the future. And then.......

We were made aware of something yesterday. It was not unexpected (as in outside the realm of possibilities), but it hit me like a hammer. It felt like something snapped inside. I had been so excited about some of the ways God had been working - so confident that He orchestrates all things (and that is still the truth - especially since He doesn't change even if circumstances do). I had watched Him do things I couldn't have planned myself if I wanted to. It was bittersweet, but the things I was observing could only have been planned by Him. But when this came - no - not this time. Not planned by Him. No. I cannot accept this - not this. In other words - when I could see fruit He was sovereign. When I can't see how this is going to work - He is not. I put "Come Weary Saints" on and cried.

"I will say it's good that you afflicted my that I may learn your holy ways and to trust in you at all times. You are always good. You are always faithful. shining like the sun and rising up with healing in your wings"

I am looking forward now to the end of this newest chapter.

"Oh let your will be done in me. In your love I will abide. For I long for nothing else as long as you are glorified. So quiet my restless heart in You."

Praise God!

Another Encouragement from Of First Importance

I love "Of First Importance". It is a blog that sends its posts out in daily emails. This week has been especially sweet to me! As I have contemplated my "inadequacy" these posts have really served my spirit!!

“The Lord reveal himself more and more to us in the face of his Son Jesus Christ and magnify the power of his grace in cherishing those beginnings of grace in the midst of our corruptions, and sanctify the consideration of our own infirmities to humble us, and of his tender mercy to encourage us.

And may he persuade us that, since he has taken us into the covenant of grace, he will not cast us off for those corruptions which, as they grieve his Spirit, so they make us vile in our own eyes.

And because Satan labors to obscure the glory of his mercy and hinder our comfort by discouragements, the Lord add this to the rest of his mercies, that we may not lose any portion of comfort that is laid up for us in Christ.

And, may he grant that the prevailing power of his Spirit in us should be an evidence of the truth of grace begun, and a pledge of final victory, at that time when he will be all in all, in all his, for all eternity. Amen.”

—Richard Sibbes, The Bruised Reed (Edinburgh: Banner of Truth, 1998), 127-28

http://firstimportance.org/

Of First Importance - encouragement

“Whence is it that, when assaulted with temptation and compassed with troubles, we have stood firm, but from a secret strength upholding us? To make so little grace so victorious over so great a mass of corruption, this requires a spirit more than human.

This is like preserving fire in the sea, and a part of heaven even, as it were, in hell. Here we know where to obtain this power, and to whom to return the praise of it. And it is our happiness that it is so safely hid in Christ for us, in one so near to God and us. Since the fall, God will not trust us with our own salvation, but it is both purchased and kept by Christ for us, and we for it through faith, wrought by the power of God, which we lay hold of.

That grace which is but a persuasive offer and in our power to receive or refuse is not the grace which brings us to heaven. But God’s people feel a powerful work of the Spirit, not only revealing to us our misery and deliverance through Christ, but emptying us of ourselves, as being redeemed from ourselves, and infusing new life into us, and afterwards strengthening us and quickening us when we droop and hang the wing, never leaving us till the conquest is perfect.”

—Richard Sibbes, The Bruised Reed (Edinburgh: Banner of Truth, 1998), 116-17

http://firstimportance.org/

Insufficient

It's a word that has been bouncing around in my head for a few weeks now. It comes into my head at the most unusual times. Most of the time, it comes with a sharp sense of guilt. It disturbs my soul. It has a tendency to condemn. It comes as I review conversations, actions, decisions, efforts. And it is always the same. Insufficient.

Websters' dictionary defines it as : lacking adequate power, capacity, or competence. Inadequate.

I don't like it. I want to know exactly the right things to do, say, and think at exactly the right time. I don't want to flounder around. I don't want to make mistakes. I don't want to hurt people I care about. I don't want to say the wrong thing, or something I will regret saying later.

When the word first came to my mind, it made me sad. It felt like I was being measured and coming up wanting - and I was. It seemed like there was a series of events where no matter how hard I tried anything I had to offer was insufficient. It sent me into a spin of sorts where I couldn't lift my head - I just centered in on my insufficiency.

What a blessing!!! Even as I worked on this post, I wasn't sure how to say what I wanted to say. I had begun to feel joy in my condemnation, but couldn't figure out why. I knew God was at work, and that I was experiencing His grace, but I was having trouble putting it into words. Last night and this morning, I read two different things describing what was happening in my heart.

The first was from a book I just finished called "A Praying Life" by Paul Miller. On page 212-213 he is describing an experience he had when he brought his daughter Kim to one of his speaking engagements. Kim is autistic, and has a tendency to melt down if things don't go according to plan. During a series of melt downs, he thinks to himself "This was a mistake. I will never do this again."

He continues on to say that he:

"didn't realize that... that the kingdom had come. It is always that way with the kingdom. It is so strange, so low; it is seldom recognized. It looks like a mistake.

Later as I reflected on the weekend and on the ways of God, I realized that I was in the middle of one of God's stories. On Saturday, I spoke in front of a crowd who listened to my every word and respected me. When you speak, no matter how hard you try, you are at the center. Even if you are talking about Jesus and how he loves people, as I was, it's tempting to take credit for your speaking.

However, on Friday I was in front of three different crowds (at the bus stop, in the security line, and on the plane), helpless and embarrassed. I looked inadequate, I felt inadequate, and I was inadequate. God was reminding me of what I am really like. He was preparing my heart on Friday, so I'd not be confused by people's praise on Saturday. I wanted success; he wanted authenticity." (emphasis mine)

The second was a post be Of First Importance. It is a quote from Charles Spurgeon's Morning and Evening (on Sept. 6th). It says:

"Ah! believer, it is safer always for you to be led of the Spirit into gospel liberty than to wear legal fetters. Judge yourself at what Christ is rather than what you are. Satan will try to mar your peace by reminding you of your sinfulness and imperfections: you can only meet his accusations by faithfully adhering to the Gospel and refusing to wear the yoke of bondage."

The last few weeks were a much needed reminder of what I am really like. I am so very blessed by friends who have the gift of encouragement. It is a refreshment to be built up in the Lord. And yet sometimes, that "building up" can go straight to may head (and I am not a public speaker - Praise God!!! ). I start to think I "have something" - something I can offer. And when I try to offer that something (which, of course, comes with a series of expectations as to what the result should be of such offerings), and nothing happens - I feel inadequate. I want success. God wants authenticity. He wants me to be honest about my short comings and offer Him - not my something. I recognize that, and in my strength and wisdom I decide to offer nothing. After all, I am sinful and imperfect. I try to clean up my act, and it is still imperfect. I fall into condemnation. I allow Satan to mar my peace by wallowing in my sin and imperfections. I can battle these feeling by swinging back to my "something" and resting in that - or I can rest in the Gospel. I can believe that God will use my inadequacies to bring glory to Himself, in His time, in His ways. I need to judge myself at what Christ is rather than what I am.

Paul addresses this in 1 Corinthians 12. He was an apostle. He saw Christ. He experienced direct revelations from God. He speaks of a thorn to keep him humble. He pleads with God to take it from him. God answers Paul -

1 Corinthians 12:9-10

" But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong"

This is the source of my joy in condemnation. God is sovereign - even in my inadequacy. In fact, it is my inadequacy that points me to Himself. It is my inadequacies that bring glory to Him because it displays His power in my life. I desire the power of Christ to rest upon me. I will boast all the more gladly in my weakness.

My God why would you shed your blood so pure and undefiled to make a sinful one like me your chosen precious child?

Another Wonderful Reminder from Of First Importance!

“Even when we pray for the blessing of God’s own glory to rest upon us, we find the fulfillment not by thinking about ourselves but by looking to Jesus. Likeness to God’s beauty comes by reflection. We are conformed to his image as we look at the original. It is the Spirit-given vision of the beauty of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ that transforms us to share in that beauty.”

- Edmund P. Clowney, Christian Meditation (Vancouver, BC: Regent College Publishing, 2002)

http://firstimportance.org/

A New Favorite Song

Run

by Reilly

I’ve got a lot of faith in you

No I would never stray from you

I’ve got all my hope in you

‘cause it’s bright it’s bright outside

But as soon as the darkness comes

And as soon as the teardrops fall, I run

I’ve got a lot to learn from you

My heart, make it yearn for you

I’ll get all I need from you

if only my soul would live like this were true

Cause as soon as the darkness comes

And as soon as the teardrops fall, I run

I want to give my life to you

Sacrifice all my will to you

I want to walk this walk with you

I know in my soul I’ll be better off when I do

So as soon as the darkness comes

And as soon as the teardrops fall

I’ll run to you, I’ll run to you my God, my King

I’ll run to you my Savior

I’ll run to you, and I’ll never stop until I get to you

I’ll run to you, I’ll run

And as soon as the darkness comes

And as soon as the teardrops fall, I’ll run

When I first heard this song, I found it trite. What was ironic about it was that the very lines I found trite were meant to be so. I missed it completely. The first verse is where I find myself so often. It's the "Thank you for dying for me, Jesus - I have it from here" mentality. And as long as it's "bright outside" I am content to stay there. It is an easy place to be. Then "something" happens. Whether a "major" or a "minor inconvenience" (and no -it doesn't take long), I run. Not to my Father - away. I fall back on all those things that "worked" before, or run into a tantrum, etc. I found the last two verses comforting. I have often felt that "if only my soul would live like this were true" - and yes - I know that my soul will be so much better served when I run TO my Father.

I have a music thing, for sure. I love to read and study, but there is something about my brain that seems particularly wired to music. For me - it's all about the lyrics, which is why I have to be VERY careful what I am listening to. Truth set to music has an immediate impact on my thinking (unfortunately so do lies set to music). I limit my musical input for this reason (all songs must pass a lyrical "litmus test" - and yes, I listen to a lot of music that would not pass some people's musical "prowess" test (for me I have found that musical quality is secondary if the lyrics are "iffy"...). This song has been a wonderful reminder this week for me to return to my dependent mentality - and, if your curious, in my humble opinion, Reilly passes BOTH litmus tests with flying colors!!! And you can listen to a sample here :) -

http://www.reillytheband.com/nav.html